41 Spooky, Scary, Halloween Recipes for Your Monster Mash or Fright Night
Halloween is totally the best, right? Halloween costumes, Halloween decorations, Halloween movies, Halloween parties, and of course, Halloween food. Whether you’re looking for pumpkin-themed everything, delicious treats that look disgusting, or candy corn added to things it probably shouldn’t be, we’ve got you covered with these Halloween recipes.
We have Halloween recipes for cakes and cookies and donuts and cider. There are options for a proper spooky Halloween party and for a gentler autumnal vibe. There’s even a pizza mummy. Yeah, you read that right, a pizza mummy.
Imagine some cute queers show up to your Halloween party and you get to say, “Hey do you want some pizza mummy?” Best Halloween ever.
1. Black Velvet Cupcakes
Photo credit: Authentic Images / Getty Images
2. Vegan Pumpkin Nog
3. Pumpkin Macaroni and Cheese
4. Witch’s Brew Cocktail
5. Candy Corn Hot Chocolate
6. Ouija Board Cookies
7. Deep-Fried Brains
8. Mini Monster Eyeball Donuts
Photo credit: Isabel Pavia / Getty Images
9. Pumpkin Roll
10. Curried Pumpkin Soup with Coconut
11. Buffalo Meatball Pumpkins
12. Pumpkin Cheesecake Mousse
Photo credit: Lauri Patterson / Getty Images
13. Candy Corn Vodka
14. Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins
15. Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls with Caramel Frosting
Photo credit: Mizina / Getty Images
16. Caramel Pumpkin Torte
17. Pumpkin Sugar Donuts
18. Dairy Free Gluten Free DTF Pumpkin Pie
19. Flourless Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies
Photo credit: Anna Pustynnikova / Getty Images
20. Pretzel & Chocolate Spiders
21. Jack O’Lantern Shepherd’s Pie Stuffed Peppers
22. Mummy Oreo Truffles
23. Pumpkin Churro Waffles
24. Witches’ Brew Cupcakes
Photo credit: hsyncoban / Getty Images
25. Frozen Boo-nana Pops
26. Spider Web Oreo Cookies
27. Mini Ghost Pumpkin Cakes
28. Pumpkin Brulee Cheesecake Bars
Photo credit: yumehana / Getty Images
29. Braaaaaains Cupcakes
30. Meatball Mummies
31. Candy Corn Poppers
32. Snakebite Cider
Photo credit: Roxiller / Getty Image
33. Radish Eyeballs
34. Pumpkin Crumb Cakes
35. Almond Meringue Ghost Cookies
36. Pumpkin Brownie Cupcakes
37. Halloween Layer Cakes
Photo credit: Ruth Black / Getty Images
38. Caramel Pumpkin Spice Popcorn
39. Stuffed Mushroom Eyeballs
40. Marshmallow Web Cupcake Topper
41. Pizza Mummy Braid
Photo credit: jenifoto / Getty Images
What are your favorite Halloween recipes?
Before I Go, Here’s My Top Ten Favorite “Drawn to Comics” Comics of All Time
by rory midhani
Writing this column has been one of the best experiences of my life, not just because I get to write about something that I’m passionate about, but also for the relationships it has enabled me to build. I’ve made great friends by finding out that we’re both fans of the same comic, and I’ve been lucky enough to even make friends with some of the people making my favorite comics. I write so that I can connect with people and never have I felt that more than when someone talks to me about how they read “Drawn to Comics.” All of you have made my life wonderful. So, it is with that in mind that I present to you my last-ever “Drawn to Comics” before I move on from AS to other opportunities.
In this column I’ve gotten to recommend my favorite webcomics and graphic novels. I’ve been honored to highlight dozens of LGBTQ cartoonists and comic creators. I’ve been able to have a relevant voice in the comics world that I believe has made a difference in the way comics work. But that hasn’t been because of me, it’s been because of you. The reason DC Comics changed the transphobic parts of a Batgirl issue is because you readers shared and spread the articles about it. Queer creators made enough money to do comics for a living because you bought their comics and supported their patreons. Kids got to see themselves represented for the first time because you bought your cousins and neighbors and children Lumberjanes and Jonesy and The Witch Boy.
I’ll continue to tweet about the comics and artists that I love. I’ll boost kickstarters and pre-orders. I’ll also be putting up weekly comic recommendations on my patreon for everyone who supports with a dollar a month starting in July. I hope all of you, my family, will interact with me on twitter and other places on the internet. I’d like to leave with one final list of recommendations: my ten favorite comics I’ve covered here in Drawn to Comics.
1. Witchy, January 13, 2015
From Witchy by Ariel Ries.
Since I wrote about Ariel Ries’ wonderful and breath-takingly beautiful comic it’s only gotten better and more beautiful. Nyneve, the young witch of color who stars in this comic, cut off the hair that gives her her magic and is now on the run from essentially the whole world. You need to check it out right now because my girl Prill just came back into the picture and it is GREAT.
2. Strong Female Protagonist, January 15, 2014
This is still the best superhero comic in the world. Since I first wrote about it, Molly Ostertag has become one of my favorite artists, and my favorite people. It’s been amazing not only seeing how far this comic has come in the four and half years since I first wrote about it, but it’s been even more amazing to follow Molly over that same time.
3. SuperMutant Magic Academy, April 28, 2015
Art by Jillian Tamaki
I first talked about this comic all the way back in 2013, but when Jillian Tamaki remade this into a book with added color and comics, I truly fell in love. I still have yet to read a book of any kind better than this one.
4. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness, July 18, 2017
This book has come the closest to unseating SuperMutant Magic Academy as the best book I’ve ever read. I don’t think I’ve ever read a comic that has dealt so frankly and painfully with the way mental illness and trauma effect queer sexuality. This is one of the best books about queerness ever.
5. O, Human Star, November 20, 2013
This is the piece of media that convinced me to like robots. I had a genuine and deep-seated hatred for robots that was existential in nature. But this comic changed that with a young robot girl named Sulla. I love her so much and I will do anything to protect her, even if that means I’m now a robot rights activist.
6. Patsy Walker, AKA, Hellcat, June 28, 2016
art by Brittney Williams and Megan Wilson.
This is my favorite DC or Marvel comic book of all time. This is what I wish more comics were like. Kate Leth wrote the characters so endearingly and so realistically that they reminded me of my friends and I wanted nothing more than to hang out with Patsy, Ian, Tom and Jen each month. With Brittney Williams putting in always fun and exciting art, Hellcat made me fall in love with the idea of superhero comics again.
7. The Prince and the Dressmaker, February 13, 2018
This is the most recent comic on this list, but wow it’s made a huge impression on me since I read it less than half a year ago. Jen Wang made a book I had never seen before and is opening doors for all sorts of new kinds of stories and representation and art in comic books.
From Agents of the Realm by Mildred Louis.
When I think about how to build a team of characters I love, I think about what Mildred Louis did with Agents of the Realm. These girls are so amazing and they have the perfect dynamic where they definitely seem real, but they also are aspirational the way they love and support one another. Aside from all of that, Mildred Louis is the best color artist on the entire internet.
9. Miranda Harmon, March 21, 2017
For my money, Miranda Harmon is the cartoonist with the biggest potential of anyone I’ve written about. I can’t believe how good her comics are. Her colors and writing are deep like the deepest part of the ocean, but without the scary parts. There is so much in just her four-panel comics that you can spend a week with each one.
Jo, a trans girl, talking to Barney, a non-binary kid. Art by Brooklyn Allen, colors by Maarta Laiho.
How could it be anything else? This is one of the most important and influential comics to come out in the last five years. It paved the way for dozens of unabashedly queer all-ages comics that I’ve had the pleasure of reading and writing about. This comic is why I did this column. This is what my hope for the future of all-ages media is. Thank you Lumberjanes, thank you Noelle Stevenson, Shannon Watters, Grace Ellis and Brooklyn Allen. But most of all, thank you everyone reading this.
New Releases (June 27)
Raven: Daughter of Darkness #6
Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #32
Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur TP Vol 5 Fantastic Three
Vampirella Dynamite Years Omnibus Vol 3 TP
Vampirella Roses for the Dead #1
Adventure Time: Beginning of the End #3
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
Drawn to Comics: Rosemary Valero-O’Connell’s “What Is Left” Dreams Through Space and Memories
by rory midhani
I’ve known Rosemary Valero-O’Connell and her work for a few years now, and I’m really excited that I get to talk about her to you before I leave Autostraddle. Her illustration style is immediately recognizable, with lines and shadows that create some of the deepest and most vivid worlds that you could imagine. All of her art seems immersive, like you’re going to get lost in it, like there’s no way it’s on a flat screen or piece of paper. Her concepts for her work combine perfectly with the depth and layers she draws to drop you into a different universe of her creation. I’m pretty sure she knows more about using different shades of color together than anyone else on earth. She’s one of the young masters of illustration in America today.
Valero-O’Connell has many illustrations and comics to her name, and is currently working on illustrating Mariko Tamaki’s upcoming graphic novel Laura Dean Keeps Breaking up With Me. Her comic that’s making the biggest splash, though, is “What Is Left,” from the Shortbox anthology. This comic was recently nominated for two well-deserved Eisner Awards, for Best Single Issue/One-Shot and Best Coloring. “What Is Left” is 36 pages of full-color beauty and science fiction mastery about what happens to the lone survivor when an interstellar ship that runs on the memories of a “donor” overheats and explodes in space.
There’s something about Valero-O’Connell’s art that gives it a museum-level-art feeling. Every inch of the page is purposefully and maximized to its full artistic potential. She succeeds in telling the story, but in doing so, she also has created a comic where each page works as a the coolest poster you’ve ever owned. Still in her early twenties, Valero-O’Connell has one of the most distinctive art styles you’ll come across. Few can express lines and living things the way she does and even fewer can then use their coloring skills to make the illustration so much more expressive and evocative.
The story in “What is Left” is just as atmospheric as the art. The whole thing definitely feels like a dream, but the most amazing dream you’ve ever had. The colors are muted, and she mostly works with just a few different shades on each page, but these colors work in a way that you didn’t know colors could work. When you’re looking at these images and reading what it’s like for this biomechanic named Isla, it’s a full sensory experience. It feels like you’re swimming through air as thick as water and as beautiful as a a Giverny garden. This comic is able to whip up a thick and rich fog of memories for our protagonist, and us readers, to explore and enjoy.
New Releases (June 20)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 12 The Reckoning #1
Ghostbusters: Answer the Call TP
Ant-Man and The Wasp #2
Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Vol 8 My Best Friends Squirrel TP
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #28
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: I’m Leaving Autostraddle, Let’s Talk About Our Favorite Autostraddle Things
Hey family! I know that in the last open thread I said I was going to stop being the Trans Editor but still working here, and I’m sorry to say that it’s time for that to end too. Working at Autostraddle has been my dream job and it’s been my dream community, but it’s time for the next phase in my life, so I need to say goodbye.
But I’ll still be around. You can follow me on twitter and instagram, and I’ll be putting up some writing on my patreon if you want to find a new way to support me. You’ll also see my writing in other places around the internet and in print soon. I’ve got good things coming up. By the way, that feature image is because I am the Glee of Autostraddle staffers.
At my first A-camp with Hansen, Yvonne, Somer and Brittani
My favorite thing about being a part of the Autostraddle family has been you guys, the readers who have become my family. When I joined Autostraddle I had been out for less than a year and had just lost my church family when I came out.
I know it’s schmaltzy to say that you guys are my favorite part of Autostraddle, so let’s pick a few other things. Obviously anything that Riese (especially this essay) has written is my favorite, as is anything written by Heather and Gabby Rivera. I love all the essays by incredible trans women we’ve published. God I love this essay by Rachel. I love love love love love love love this Anonymous Sex Toy Review of the Njoy Pure Plug and I think about it and the ways it changed my life at least once a week. I loved watching Kaelyn’s Countdown to Baby T. rex and I love her now as a mother. I loved my Autostraddle Comic and Sequential Art Awards. I love everything ever read at one of the A-Camp staff readings. I love the friends I made and the family I built.
I remember on the shuttle on the way to my first A-Camp when Hansen put her head on my shoulder and slept. I remember meeting Laverne Cox and hearing her gush about how much she loves Autostraddle. I remember Riese paying for me to get my name legally changed. I remember meeting my future girlfriend at an Autostraddle meetup at ClexaCon. I remember every time one of you has come up to me anywhere and said anything about my writing meaning something to you. I remember all the wonderful ways the editors, my co-workers, and you readers have supported, encouraged, and loved me.
I want to know, what are some of your all-time favorite Autostraddle memories? Is there an article you loved or a meetup that changed your life? Did you discover a new passion through AS? Let’s share some love for this website before I leave.
How To Post A Photo In The Comments:
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code it in to your comment like so:
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Drawn to Comics Exclusive: “Lumberjanes: The Infernal Compass” Is the Mal and Molly Graphic Novel We Want!
by rory midhani
One of the titles I built this column on is Lumberjanes, the funny, fun and heartwarming series created by Noelle Stevenson, Grace Ellis, Shannon Watters and Brooklyn Allen. Together we’ve seen the series announced, read its first issue, and talked about the first dozen or so issues as they came out. We’ve seen the creative team change and each new writer and artist put their own lovely stamp on the series. We’ve seen YA novels come out and a movie be announced. And through it all, we’ve seen Jo, April, Mal and Molly and Ripley go on countless adventures, building their friendship with each other at every turn. We’ve seen a little book about five queer girls at a summer camp for Hardcore Lady-Types win countless awards and prove that not only can a book by, about and for queer people and women and girls be extremely good, but it can be extremely popular too. Now it’s time to announce the first ever Lumberjanes original graphic novel, Lumberjanes: The Infernal Compass.
This new ogn will be written by Eisner Award-nominated writer Lilah Sturges and illustrated by exciting new artist polterink. This is an all new story about our favorite campers and the story starts “when Mal, Ripley, Molly, April & Jo become separated during an orienteering outing thanks to a mysterious compass. While Molly begins to feel more and more insecure about the effect of her relationship with Mal on the other girls, a lonely woman explorer is trying to steal the compass… with the help of some weirdly polite automaton butlers, of course.” Wow, ok, first of all, I love that such a big focus of this new book is going to be on Mal and Molly’s relationship and how that affects the whole group. Their relationship is one of the sweetest in all of comics and I can’t wait to see it explored more. Plus, who doesn’t love automaton butlers?
Dafna Pleban, Senior Editor at BOOM! fully agrees, and thinks new and old fans alike will love this book.
My favorite stories are love stories — and I can’t imagine one sweeter than what Lilah and polterink have created for Mal and Molly. Whether you’re one of the millions of Lumberjanes fans worldwide or new to this incredible world, everyone will find themselves with goofy grins on their faces as they turn each page of LUMBERJANES: THE INFERNAL COMPASS.
Lumberjanes: The Infernal Compass comes out in bookstores in October, and boy howdy are you lucky, because I have a special 15-page preview here just for you!
New Releases (June 13)
My Little Pony Cutie Re-Mark TP
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
Drawn to Comics: Kiku Hughes’s Short Comics Are Lush, Moving and Really Gay
by rory midhani
Kiku Hughes first came to my attention a few years ago when I saw a lovely short comic she did about some space lesbians. I was immediately drawn to her lush and deeply rich character designs and colors. The comic looked like a galactic dessert, and I wanted seconds and thirds. It’s a simple story with only two real characters and only seven pages, but Hughes made it feel as full as a strawberry milkshake topped with whipped cream and a half dozen cherries. As I looked more into Hughes, I found out that she has a bunch of other great short comics that satisfied the same kind of craving that this space lesbian comic did. Now this Nikkei (part of the Japanese diaspora) lesbian cartoonist is one of my favorite artists.
It’s well documented that I have trouble feeling any positive emotions for robots, but Hughes has made a pair of comics about a pair of twin AIs trying to figure out where they fit in the world of humans that honestly really touched my heart. In the first comic we meet Kim, an AI who’s taken on a human body that allows her to pass as an organic person, not a robot. We see her struggle internally with this life that she’s chosen, knowing that she’s left her twin behind. In a prequel comic that Hughes made later we see the other twin, and we see that both of them love each other and miss each other and even though they’ve become very different types of beings, they’ll always be connected in a way that’s truly and deeply human. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m crying thinking about how real and deep their connection is. It’s beautiful.
My favorite comic Hughes has done, though, is about Mt. St. Helens and beauty and and unfair beauty standards and resilience and paying attention to what is real. It’s a powerful metaphor for womanhood and queerness and being a person of color and so many other identities. Another favorite is her autobio comic about the strange places we find connections with out culture, especially when you’re mixed race and/or part of your family history has been lost to oppression and racism. She shows the amazing way that pop culture and recipes can surprise us and connect us to our past and our family. I’m also in love with her strange and pulsating comic from the Elements Anthology. In this comic we see a mix of magic and science as we follow a passenger on a space ship powered by fire. Hughes creates such a vibrant world in this short comic; you can see the fire ebbing and flowing and growing and snapping. You can see all the ways it changes and controls the lives of the people on this ship. You can see how it creates magic and how it has come to life. Kiku Hughes knows how to create a world that feels like you’re living in it.
You can see all of these comics and more on Hughes’ tumblr, and specifically in her tumblr comics tag. She also is the person behind my favorite ever Oh Joy Sex Toy comic, a really lovely and clear explanation of asexuality. She’s currently working on her first graphic novel, Displacement, about Japanese American incarceration.
New Releases (June 6)
Wonder Woman by George Perez Omnibus Vol 3 HC
Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #31
Princeless: Raven the Pirate Princess Vol 5 Together
Wet Moon Vol 6 Yesterdays Gone
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
Hayley Kiyoko and Kehlani’s “What I Need” Video Takes Gay Agenda to Beautiful New Heights
One of the early standout tracks from Lesbian Jesus Hayley Kiyoko’s debut album Expectations is her duet with queer singer Kehlani, “What I Need.” It’s a song that addresses a common lesbian tale — being in love with someone who’s waffling on how open or committed they can be about the relationship. Today the pair dropped their music video for the song, playing best friends who eventually become more.
Lesbian Jesus has saved us again and is pushing the gay agenda to new, even gayer heights.
In the video, Kehlani leaves a homophobic and verbally abusive home for a road trip with Kiyoko, just two friends who flirt with each other sometimes — until the climax, when they finally seal the deal with a kiss. It’s a celebration of female friendship, for sure, but it also celebrates the specific queer / bi / lesbian female experience of falling in love with another woman.
Neither artist had announced that they’d be collaborating on a video until this week, when Hayley Kiyoko, a master of building up excitement amongst her fans, started dropping hints on her instagram, posting text conversations between with someone named “k” and eventually posting a picture of the two of them photoshopped together as children. Kehlani is the perfect collaborator for Kiyoko — another openly and outspokenly queer woman of color who loves to interact with fans, especially queer ones, on social media. These two coming together and being so loud and proud about their sexuality and their love for their queer fans is my favorite thing in the world.
It’s important to note that, once again, Kiyoko directed this video herself, bringing to the table not only her immense talent but her specifically lesbian gaze. Never before have I seen a mainstream pop artist this dedicated to providing women who love women with the kind of representation straight people are used to. This is a radically queer video that makes me feel entirely seen.
This is my favorite trend in pop music. Halsey and Lauren Jauregui sang together on “Strangers,” and now Kehlani and Kiyoko got together with this song. Hopefully we can look forward to a Demi Lovato/Janelle Monae duet next.
I’m going to go back to watching this video another twenty times in a row now!
Drawn to Comics: Carly Usdin’s “Heavy Vinyl” More Than Earns the Hype
by rory midhani
I’ve read the first volume of Carly Usdin’s Heavy Vinyl, and I have been changed. I’m back in the 90s except instead of being a depressed and closeted kid, I get to be a part of a great adventure with this great team of teen girls. Before now I had only read the first issue of this series, which back then was called Hi-Fi Fight Club, and I completely loved it then, wishing that I had been friends with the characters when I was a teen. This book was so much better than I thought it was going to be and I thought it was going to be one of the best series of the year. In addition to Usdin, the book was penciled by Nina Vakueva, inked by Irene Flores and has colors by Rebecca Nalty.
Heavy Vinyl is about a teen girl named Chris who works at a record store in 1998 New Jersey. Chris is a total music nerd, kind of clumsy and more than a little soft butch. She’s great. The first issue ends with her finding out that her female coworkers, including her crush Maggie, also have a secret fight club/crime fighting group that they invite her to join when the lead singer of her favorite band disappears. From there we get to see the girls bond and become friends, plus discover that the disappearance is just the smallest drop in a giant bucket of music industry conspiracies and global networks of music-loving all-girl fight clubs.
The obvious comparison is to Empire Records, but there’s also plenty of D.E.B.S., Clueless, more than a little Josie and the Pussycats and some Juno and Dirty Dancing thrown in. Usdin really knows how to perfectly capture the teen voice. She makes Chris cute and trying super hard and anxious and perfect. She gives each girl a distinct personality that would fit perfectly in any 90s teen movie, there’s even a goth Mexican girl, which is super incredible and something I love seeing representation from. There’s this trope in teen movies that I absolutely love where we see a lovable loser, wrong side of the tracks, misfit with a heart of gold who has a crush on the pretty and sweet popular girl-next-door. Heavy Vinyl actually has that, but it’s gay. Carly Usdin has written my favorite trope into beautiful queer comics life.
This art is so perfect for the characters and the story. It’s bright and fresh and dynamic and both cute and tough at the same time in the most wonderful way. Every ounce of these girls’ personality is drawn into them. Vakueva, Flores and Nalty are absolutely literally the perfect combination for this book, I don’t think anyone on the planet could’ve done a better job. You want the art in a book like this to be cool and it is, you want it to be expressive and exciting and it definitely is, you want it to be able to get across emotions, humor and romance, and this art does that perfectly.
The series was a limited series, so this might be it, but the comic does a super great job at setting up the characters for more stories, and it really builds a great world for Usdin to play around in in the future. You can buy Heavy Vinyl at bookstores and online.
New Releases (May 30)
Raven: Daughter of Darkness #5
Jim Henson Labyrinth Coronation #4
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
Drawn to Comics: “Super Late Bloomer” Is the Transition Diary Comic We’ve Been Waiting For
by rory midhani
Life is beautiful now that I’ve read Julia Kaye’s new graphic novel about the early days of her gender transtion, Super Late Bloomer. This is the Fun Home for transition stories. As soon as I finished reading it I cried and then thought about how lucky we all are that there’s a book that perfectly captures the feelings, frustrations and triumphs of transition this perfectly. Super Late Bloomer, which chronicles the first year of Julia’s life after she decided to transition, could turn any pessimist into the most ardent optimist.
Julia Kaye has made a diary showing every trans person thinking about coming out that they can do it. She’s honest about her struggles and she doesn’t gloss over any of the hard or scary parts. She shows the pitfalls and the joy of transition, and she shows that the joy far outweighs the bad. I want millions of teens to read this book. I want all of them to see that humans deserve love and happiness and the freedom and support to be who they are. I want all of them to know that about themselves, and for the trans ones to know that they deserve the happiness of transitioning.
For decades cis people have been telling trans coming out stories and stories about trans people at the start of our transitions. It’s a story that fascinates them because they can’t comprehend what it’s like to not identify with the gender you’re told to. Obviously trans people shouldn’t have to be humanized and it’s annoying that we have to tell these stories over and over again, but honestly, getting cis people to understand this early part of transitioning is definitely one of the best ways to get people to not just “accept” or “tolerate” trans people, but to affirm and support us. Super Late Bloomer is honestly the best comic I’ve ever seen if you’re looking for something to give to your friends or family members who you’re afraid might be uneducated on trans issues. This book humanizes the trans experience in this really beautiful and compassionate way that shows just how different trans narratives are when they’re told by trans people themselves. No more transition stories written by cis people, I only want ones written by Julia Kaye from now on.
Kaye has mastered this form of comic. Her little daily strips make the comic accessible for all sorts of ages and reading abilities. Her art style is so pleasant and really emotive. I love how you can see the way she draws herself grow and change through her transition and how she feels about her body and gender.
Now, Julia is just one woman, and so she can only tell her story, we also need transition stories from a wide variety of trans people, but I think most of you reading this will already know that. This book is honestly the pinnacle of its art form. It’s a guidebook that will last the years and be an important resource for queer libraries, bookstores, coffee shops, school LGBTQ clubs and bedrooms of trans kids deciding to come out for a long, long time.
New Releases (May 23)
Snotgirl Vol 2 California Screaming TP
BTVS Season 11 Giles #4
Wynonna Earp Yearbook Season 2 TP
X-Files Case Files: Florida Man #2
Adventure Time Beginning of End #1
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
The Comment Awards Are Singing Lesbian Disney Songs At Camp
Woah! It’s Mey! A-Camp is going on and your beloved Queer Girl is there having a great time, so I’m taking over! I decide the winners! I’m the queen! Oh jeez I hope I do a good job.
Now that I have your attention, my favorite cook Reniece taught us how to make buttermilk biscuits. She also makes this thing with sauteed corn and onions and it’s delicious and I bet it would go great with biscuits.
Courtney Trouble gave us LDR advice.
The team and a bunch of you talked about all of our favorite LGBT books.
Alexis helped everyone out by teaching you how to get grounded before the chaos of A-Camp.
Alaina stirred controversy and made our lives a lot better by ranking Disney Princesses in order of lesbianism.
Carmen continued her great Vida recaps.
Carolyn talked to six other queers about polyamory.
Sarah Winifred Searle is releasing a really amazing looking graphic novel about teen bisexuality and mental health.
Even if you don’t go to camp, you can still make a leather wallet!
Not only are Disney princesses lesbians, but Disney Princess songs are Feminist.
Kayla did a special Mom’s Day No Filter.
Everyone should host a voter registration drive!
Get on board with the TV Bisexual Revolution.
And then there were your comments!
On Sunday Funday is Thinking About Mommi
The Nancy Drew of Lesbian Headcanons Award to cleo:
On Every Disney Princess Ranked in Order of Lesbianism
The “don’t @ me award” to Alaina:
On Feminist Disney Princess Sing Along Playlist
The Em I Love You Award to Em:
On No Filter: Shout Out to Moms
The My Eyes Are Up Here Award to Snaelle:
On Boob(s On Your) Tube: “Once Upon a Time” Went and Saved the Gays For Last
The OMG Please I Hope This Happens Award to Jane Grey and Carmen SanDiego:
The OMG THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS Award to Kristana and turkish:
On Every Disney Princess Ranked in Order of Lesbianism
The “Thank You For Creating an Account Just For My PPP Reference- From Mey” Award to ae smith:
See a funny or amazing comment that needs to be here? E-mail queergirlblogs [at] gmail [dot] com!
Drawn to Comics: You’re Gonna Love Sarah Winifred Searle’s Bisexual YA Graphic Novel “The Greatest Thing”
by rory midhani
First Second Books is one of my favorite publishers, with books like Cucumber Quest, Tillie Walden’s Spinning and On a Sunbeam, The Prince and the Dressmaker and This One Summer — and I’m excited to announce another book that I’m sure I’ll love, Sarah Winifred Searle’s The Greatest Thing. The Greatest Thing is a high school story about a girl named Winifred (the book is a fictionalized memoir of Searle’s teen years) and the group of friends she makes in her sophomore year who help her figure out how to survive high school, body image issues, depression and bisexuality happening all at the same time.
Winifred faces her sophomore year of high school with dread until she meets a pair of queer, punky freshmen. They teach her how to modify her clothing to feel more comfortable in her skin, using pins and patches to create a suit of armor. These new friendships and the comic zines they produce together keep Win afloat as she navigates issues of body image, disordered eating, and depression. The Greatest Thing is a fictionalized memoir about the kinds of well-meaning moments and quiet mistakes that help a person figure out not just who they are, but who they need to become.
You might remember Searle from her work on Fresh Romance, which I’ve written about here before, or her comics featured on The Nib or in Jem and the Holograms and Adventure Time. She also has an upcoming middle grade graphic novel called Sincerely, Harriet. She said she wanted to write this book for several reasons, including giving a highlight to bisexual characters at a time when queer teen lit seems to be thriving. “I fell for girls as well as boys, but it was never to seek attention,” she said, “And despite the fact that I was fat, a broad spectrum of romantic experiences did not elude me –– seemingly against all odds, I was loved. But the fact is, it wasn’t against all odds. This stuff happens all the time, and teens need to know that.” She also wanted a chance to tell her own version of a story about teen mental health.
Searle says that she wanted to tell this story because she wants teens to have a wide variety of depictions of how people their age deal with mental health issues like depression and eating disorders. She hopes this book will give another perspective to these very common experiences, a perspective that can be very important for people to see.
…Popular media often sensationalizes teen suicide to the point that the character who dies ceases to be a fully-dimensional person and becomes this fetishized symbol of struggle, reduced to impetus for other characters’ arcs. It’s not that stories that explore this issue can’t be done well –– the manga Orange will forever be one of my most favorite series of all time –– but Orange’s strength lies in the fact that it’s not about Kakeru’s death as much as it is about his life. I wanted to push that even further; my book will focus the story on survival and how even small successes in mental health management are worth celebrating.
The Greatest Thing will hit bookstores and online retailers in 2020.
New Releases (May 16)
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic #66
Supergirl: The Silver Age Omnibus Vol 2 HC
Cucumber Quest Vol 3 Melody Kingdom
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
How to Have Lesbian Sex With a Trans Woman
Feature image of Mistress Kara and Stefani Special in Crash Pad Series episode 220, collaged by Sarah Sarwar.
Some lesbian, bisexual and queer women have penises. Trans women come all sorts of ways, and some of us haven’t had surgery yet or don’t want to. Also some trans women are queer! The conversation about trans lesbian sex often focuses on anal, or on using the non-trans partner’s genitals — but that’s not all there is. Trans lesbians and their partners can have sex in so many fun ways that do involve their penis and testicles, but don’t necessarily trigger dysphoria. There’s a lot of fun you can have, and while sex between someone with a penis and someone with a vagina is the norm of what we’re presented in society, not many of those tips deal with the fact that maybe one of those people is a woman. So I’m here to help you have the best girl-on-girl sex you’ve ever had as or with a trans woman.
These tips focus on sex with hands and mouths, since personally PIV sex is much harder on my dysphoria. And I know that not all trans women have penises, and that queer women can have sex with people with penises who aren’t trans women, but here I’ll be referring to women (trans or cis) having non-PIV sex with a trans women with a penis.
Figure out what you want.
The first step in great trans lesbian sex is actually figuring out what you like yourself. If you want to tell your partner what words and actions you want, you need to know them first, you know? Reading erotica or watching trans porn (I’d recommend sticking to feminist porn, like the Crash Pad Series, and avoiding trans porn made by cis men) can help you figure out what you find sexy about your body, and what you want to do with that body. It can also help you figure out what language you like.
Try different ways of masturbating. Instead of a “jerking” motion, explore different parts of your genitals. Whether or not “traditional” masturbation causes you dysphoria, there are so many ways to feel yourself. Try using a vibrator or removable shower head. You can also use your fingers to explore your perineum and testicles. Try different pressures, speeds and intensities on different points and see what feels good.
By exploring with yourself, you might learn that maybe you like dirty talk; maybe the idea of your girlfriend going down on you seems really great; maybe you love toys, maybe it’s something else! The key is to get in touch with yourself to figure out what you want. And remember, it’s okay to think you like something and change your mind.
Talk about what you want.
Just like with any kind of sex, communication is key. Start by talking about what words you want to use for your genitals — some words might turn you or your partner on, others might cause dysphoria, and others might just do nothing for you. I know t-girls who use words like penis, clit, girldick, sexy bits, lady parts and a lot of others. Instead of saying “blow job,” try talking about “going down” or “eating out.” Explore what feels sexy and good to you, and then communicate that to your partners. And if you aren’t totally sure what words a partner uses, ask!
Next, talk about safer sex. Trans women who haven’t had surgery have a chance of getting their partners pregnant, so keep that in mind. And regardless of pregnancy-related protection, if you aren’t fluid bonded with your partner, wear a condom, and use a dental dam for any oral on anyone’s anus or vulva.
Then, talk about what you actually want to do. Some techniques might work better for you than others, some might not work at all, and the only way for your partner to know is if you tell her. Be specific; it’s okay and hot to show her, too. It’s also okay to not be sure about what you like or what you’re into, and to want to explore together. If that’s the case, go slow, check in every step of the way, and remember that it’s okay to ask each other questions, try things out together, and figure out what ways of having sex together feel good to both of you.
Think about types of touch.
In terms of tissue structure and sensitivity, penises are basically just like clits, but bigger. This means that a lot of the types of touch that would feel good to a clit might feel good to a penis — and those same types of touch can help avoid triggering dysphoria.
The default model of pleasuring a penis involves an up-and-down motion, whether with hands or a mouth or other types of penetration. But there are lots of things to try beyond that! We’ll get to those in a second.
The default model of pleasuring a penis also assumes that the penis is hard. Many trans women on hormones don’t get as hard as they did before hormones, or don’t get hard at all. But sex is so much more than a hard penis, and soft penises are sexy. You can play with them in all the same ways you would with a hard penis, but think more about specific erogenous zones and finding the sensitive spots, and remember that touch can feel deeper (because there isn’t a lot of blood-filled tissue in the way).
Use your hands.
If you’re going to have handsex, get out some lube. Water- and silicone-based lubes work great, as does coconut oil. A non-irritating lotion will work in a pinch, but since it’s not designed for handsex, you’ll probably have to reapply. (If safer sex is a concern, stick to water- or silicone-based lube.)
If your partner is a trans woman, one way to start is to cup her whole penis and scrotum in your hand and massage them like you would a vulva. If she’s soft, try curving her shaft towards her belly and cupping her that way, holding her testicles and penis so that the penis is pointing up and the sensitive underside is exposed for your lubey fingers to explore. Or cup her testicles and use your thumb to massage the head.
The tip of the penis is one more sensitive area, especially at the point where the tip meets the shaft. Grip the shaft of the penis and using your thumb or thumb and a finger to play with the head. Try making an “o” with thumb and ring finger, and use small, firm motions on the tip. Consistent pressure, especially on the tip, is key. If the penis has a foreskin, a partner can stick her finger between the foreskin and penis. (If there’s no foreskin, be extra sure to use enough lube.) Also pay attention to the base — it has a lot of nerve endings, and pinching it, pressing on it or massaging it can create some wonderful sensations. Like with oral sex, use pressure that’s harder than you think it should be. And again, communicate! Ask your partner what she’s feeling and what types of touches she’s into. And if you want to be squeezed harder or gentler, let your partner know, and if they’re doing a great job, let them know even more.
Squeezing and pulling on the testicles can also produce some really wonderful sensations, and the same goes for pressing on the perineum. Vibrators can be especially fun on the perineum and testicles. Continuing to treat trans penises like a clit, pressing a vibrator against the base of the penis or underside of the tip is a great way to create a sexy sensation. Generally speaking, stronger vibrators are better.
Use your mouth.
Like with handsex, oral sex on a trans woman’s penis looks different from oral sex on a cis penis. Some similar techniques might work really well for the specific trans woman you’re sleeping with, and if so, that’s great! If not, here are some things that I’ve found helpful. Instead of making head-bobbing motions, try to focus on the erogenous zones with your tongue and suction. The tip of the penis is extremely sensitive, and a good strategy is to spend a lot of time there. Try using your tongue on the underside of the tip. Try moving your tongue in circles or figure eights around the tip. Try putting your mouth around the tip with your tongue cupping the bottom of it. Now suck.
You can also give the base attention. Try pressing your tongue down against it. Try alternating between the base and the tip with a little time spent on other areas and the testicles. Try suction and friction, it’s this resistance that’s going to cause the most pleasure. No matter the type of touch, remember to press harder with your tongue and lips than you think you should. This applies to both the tip and the base and to hard and soft penises. That pressure is a good thing. So is enthusiasm.
Try external prostate stimulation.
External prostate stimulation might be something you aren’t familiar with, but it’s honestly one of my favorite things. The prostate is located inside the groin, pretty much right between the end of the testicles and the anus, and it’s just a ball of nerves that operates a lot like the g-spot. A common way to stimulate it is with anal sex, but you can also press your finger or tongue on the perineum (the space between genitals and the anus) right up through there and apply pressure on the “p-spot” as it’s sometimes called. These orgasms are powerful and long and, for a lot of people, it’s easier to have more of them then other kinds of orgasms. Try starting with one or two fingers and pressing up and in just below the testicles. You’ll probably have to adjust your angle and pressure to find the prostate depending on the person.
The other great thing about external prostate stimulation is the way it fights dysphoria. When my prostate is stimulated this way, I don’t feel like I have a penis anymore. It can produce a sensation of being penetrated, but in the genital area rather than the anus, making a feeling of gender euphoria. The prostate can be in there a bit and behind muscle, so don’t be afraid to push to find it. Small circles and repeated up and down motion, like a massage, work well. Doing this all with a vibrator works even better.
Lesbian Sex 101 is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities. Employment of the term “lesbian sex” in this post uses “lesbian” as an adjective to describe sex between two women or people who identify with that experience, regardless of the sexual orientation of the two people involved.
Sex ed almost never includes queer women or our experiences, so we’re exploring pleasure, safety, relationships and more to make that information more accessible. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines.
Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the sexualities will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the language will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest!
Drawn to Comics: “The Pervert” Is a Brutally Moving Look at Trans Life
by rory midhani
A few months ago I brought you a preview of the comic The Pervert and an interview with its creators; now it’s time for a full review. Michelle Perez and Remy Boydell have created a trans graphic novel unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It’s like removing an ingrown toenail or getting an anal swab to check for STDs: it will make you wildly uncomfortable, but it also makes your life better. The Pervert is definitely going to turn off some readers; it’s full of swearing and violent homophobia and transphobia and explicit sex scenes. But for the people who read it, it will stick with them forever. The book tells the story of a trans woman going through her transition as she does sex work and tries to find a little bit of happiness. She forms relationships with other sex workers, other trans women and johns. The book doesn’t really have a traditional narrative structure, but its story is clear, and it shows us what life is like for a large number of queer women and the people in their lives. This is the kind of book that will give young punk trans kids the final push they need to transition and light a fire of fear and excitement in the hearts of young trans non-punks that will one day catch their whole body on fire with transness. This book is a wakeup call.
God, this book was a brutal read. Perez had told me, “I didn’t wanna write an after school special. The world is more complicated than that.” She was underselling it. This book is full of AIDS tests, full penetration, suicidal ideation and uncomfortable emotions. It’s a real story that doesn’t try to gussy itself up at all. It reads like a Goya painting looks. Perez is telling stories that are so different from other mainstream comics, but will also resonate with so, so many people. You don’t need to be trans or a sex worker or depressed to see yourself in this book. Perez is able to capture a shared experience that Millenials have where we just can’t seem to swim upriver no matter what or how hard we try. Sometimes when I read books I think “wow, I’d love to live in the world this person has created;” with The Pervert, Perez has written a book where I think “wow, I already do live in the world this person has created.”
While it’s brutal, there’s also kindness and love in the book. One of the clients we meet had previously had a relationship with a trans woman and the way he loves her and talks to her warmed my heart. He’s never shown as a perfect person, but he’s given sympathy, because he’s a human being and he’s trying. I love these parts of the book. There are also splash pages of art that is simply beautiful. Sometimes the subject matter is something gruesome, like a car crash or deer carcass, but it’s still overwhelmingly beautiful.
I can’t imagine this book being done by anyone else. Just as Perez’s writing is obviously the only way to tell this unique and personal story, Boydell’s art is essential to this story. She creates a muted and subdued world of furries and humans who always seem like they’re half asleep or ready for the day to end. Even when people are inside, you can still tell that it’s a cloudy, rainy day in the Pacific Northwest. When characters who look like Clifford the Big Red Dog or Snoopy show up, they make the world seem so much more real. It’s like when you’re walking down the street and you see someone who reminds you of an old friend, or when the grocery store clerk reminds you of Mr. Rogers. It’s weird and more than a little surreal, but also life wouldn’t be real life without it.
The way Boydell draws trans bodies in this book is incredible. There’s no politeness, no shame in her drawings. When I say there’s explicit nudity in this book, I don’t just mean that it shows genitals, I mean that it shows nudity and sex that’s not always pretty by mainstream standards. I can’t wait to return to this book over and over again. Reading it was like digging deep into the earth. It was dirty, it was hard and it was sometimes uncomfortable — but it also was good work, the dirt was rich and sensual and in the end, you’ll see things in a completely different way.
New Releases (May 9)
Beast of Burden: Animal Rites TP
Jem and the Holograms Dimensions TP
My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Vol 14 TP
Batgirl and the Birds of Prey #22
Exiles #3
Hawkeye Kate Bishop vol 3 Family Reunion TP
Sheena Queen of the Jungle Vol 1 TP
Femforce #182
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: What’s Your Dream Job?
Hi Dunders and Mifflins! It’s me, Mey, and I’m back in the Friday Open Thread driver’s seat. Actually, I probably shouldn’t be in any driver’s seat as I can’t drive. I got a license as a teen, but then my epilepsy flared up and the state took my license away. It’s been long enough that I could get it back, I just haven’t. Driving just seems really Generation X to me. How many of you drive? I know a lot lesbians don’t, but also I feel like most people probably do. But what do I know, I’m just a virgin who can’t drive.
As you may have noticed, I recently stepped down as the Trans Editor here. I’m still definitely writing for Autostraddle and involved, just not in that position. I’m in a transitional and growing period in my life, and it was time for a change. Have any of you been in this same position? Definitely being Trans Editor has been a dream job, literally. The night before Autostraddle posted that they were hiring new writers back when I applied, I had a dream that I got a job at Autostraddle. That’s not a joke. Autostraddle was my dream job. But I also have other dreams and it’s time to explore some of those (again, I’m still staying here, just in a smaller capacity). I was talking with a friend recently, and they told me about their part-time receptionist work. All the sudden I found myself really loving the idea of being a part-time receptionist while still working on my writing.
Back when I was watching The Office, I remember thinking that Pam’s job looked super awesome. I love talking to people and helping them and I absolutely love making a good first impression. I kind of think I really want to try being a receptionist for a while. I think it would be really fun. Right now my dream job is a combo writer/receptionist. What’s your dream job? Do you have it right now? Are you close to getting it? What else is going on in your life?
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Drawn to Comics: A First Look at First Gay Kisses in “Kiss Number Eight”
by rory midhani
There’s something about your first kiss with a girl, something different. Maybe it’s your first kiss; maybe you’ve kissed dozens of people before, but you’ve never kissed like this. There’s something new, something that changes you. It’s new and it’s big and it’s so many different things. It’s not always all good, though. It can bring out truths you’re not ready for; it can open doors that can never be closed; it can change your life forever. This experience is what Coleen AF Venable and Ellen T. Crenshaw’s new book Kiss Number 8 is all about. The book doesn’t come out until March 3 of next year, but I’ve got a very special preview of some of the pages for you here before anyone else gets them!
The book, being published by First Second, is described as being about a teen girl named Mads going through high school, learning about herself and struggling with new changes in life.
Mads is pretty happy with her life. She hangs out with her best friend Cat, she goes to church with her mom and dad, she goofs off with Adam from next door (who might as well be her little brother) and she kind of muddles through high school. It’s great, it’s fine, until it isn’t anymore.
Because Adam is in love with Mads. And Mads is in love with Cat. And Mads’s dad is hiding something big—something that could tear their family apart. Suddenly Mads’s tidy little life has gotten epically messy—and epically heartbreaking. But when your heart is broken, it takes more than eight awkward, uncomfortable, tooth-clashing, friendship-ending kisses to put things right again.
It takes at least nine.
This book comes from the Eisner-nominated writer Colleen AF Venable and cartoonist Ellen T. Crenshaw. Based on this preview Venable’s writing seems like it’s going to be emotionally devastating in the best way. In these first few pages we get to know Mads really well and we get a great feeling for her temperament, her place in the high school and teen society and her sense of humor. She’s a classic high school coming of age protagonist, but she’s gay. Venable also gets in some light moments and good jokes here, so when we get hit with the emotions, they land even harder. I also love the art. Crenshaw gives the art enough of a cartoony edge that it seems youthful and fresh. But she also knows how to get real emotion and expressions on these characters’ faces. Take a look at Laura’s face after she and Mads kiss — there’s so much there. There’s fear and regret and shame and so many emotions, that, unfortunately, are familiar to a lot of people during the early stages of their gay life. This book looks like it’s going to be incredible and I can’t wait to see it when it comes out.
New Releases (May 2)
Exit Stage Left: The Snagglepuss Chronicles #5
Harley Quinn Vol 5 Vote Harley TP
She-Hulk Vol 3 Jen Walters Must Die
True Believers Kitty Pryde and Wolverine #1
Adventure Time/Regular Show TP
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
You Need Help: You’re New to the Queer Dating Scene, Do You Need to Change Yourself?
Q:
I recently ended a relationship with my first female partner after we dated for a year, and I finally feel ready to get back into the dating scene; the catch is that I’m crippled with insecurity. I’m femme and identify as queer. I dated men as a teenager because I didn’t think there was another option, and I feel like any “bi” tendencies I still have are me struggling to shake off this reflexive patriarchal validation I get from men finding me attractive. I want to date girls, but I also like to wear dresses, wear my hair long, and be coy to flirt with people, which means I present as very “straight.” And my history makes it complicated too – my straight friends think that my ex was just an experiment and are always try to set me up with men, and the advice my gay friends give me – acting more aggressive towards women, hiding the fact that I’ve dated men before, dressing differently – I know is well-intentioned, but doesn’t feel honest to me. I want to be able to just be myself and still attract women, even to be friends with me, but I feel like I receive a lot of skepticism from both sides, and it’s making me feel like trying to date at all is kind of pointless right now. Is it?
Q:
I need help! I am in my late 20s and just realized I’m queer. Totally hype to be joining the club but I’m having a sex appeal crisis! I am a fat person, which added an extra dimension of horrible to my pre-queer dating life in re: fatphobia . Now I’m wondering, will it be the same with women?? Are queer women into fat queer women? Are they into fat queer women with no experience?? Should I stop wondering if it’s gonna be horrible and just try it anyway? Are these stupid questions??! Ahhhh!!!
A:
It might not seem it right away, but these two questions actually share most of the same answers! They’re both from people who are entering the queer dating scene, but are nervous that who they are will stop other queer women from wanting to date them. They’re both from people who seem like they’re cool and genuine people who would be great people to flirt with. So I’m going to answer these together.
First I want to say to question asker #1 congratulations on deciding to get back into dating! That takes a lot of bravery and is one of the hardest steps in finding a partner. To question asker #2 I say: these aren’t stupid questions! This makes a ton of sense and I remember having these exact fears just a couple of years ago.
On one hand, the biggest piece of advice I’m going to give you is to stay yourself. The cool thing about being a part of the queer community is that we all get to be our most authentic selves. It sucks that your friends are telling you that you need to change who you are in order to please potential partners and that you’re afraid being fat will make it so you can’t find someone, but I think in reality you’ll find that most queer women will appreciate you being genuine and real about who you are. Queer people are generally a lot better than straight people at challenging traditional beauty standards and not falling into the traps and pitfalls of those standards (although of course not perfect). We’re a community that often bonds around being different and feeling judged for who we are, so I find that most people are more understanding. I think you’ll have a much better time dating women than dating men.
This might be wishful thinking, but I’d like to believe that biphobia is on the decline. Not only does it feel like more and more people happy to have their bisexual siblings in the queer family, but I think more and more people are identifying as bi or queer. Despite what your friends have said, I think you’ll find friends and partners who have the same history of dating men that you do; it’s not uncommon or shameful. You can even commiserate over it together! I think the same goes for fatphobia. Body positivity movements are popular in queer circles, and you can definitely date a fellow fat person and talk about your shared experiences with fatphobia. Also, believe me, there are a significant number of queer women who are looking for femme women and fat women to date! People are into all sorts of people and you’ll find plenty of people who will initiate flirting with you.
Question asker #1, It seems like you’re pretty comfortable with your flirting style, which honestly puts you miles ahead of most queer women in that department. You can keep using it! Believe me, girls will blush if you do any kind of flirting with them no matter how coy. Instead of changing who you are to fit in, think about things you like that can help signify queerness and an eagerness to date. If you’re interested, there are lots of feminine looks that are also very visibly queer. A nice ringer tee paired with a skirt and a dad hat is a look that definitely reads queer; same thing goes for bomber jackets over a dress and adding a bandana around the neck with any dress or outfit. Dying your hair a fun blue, purple or pink or getting a nose ring or tattoo can also help. What about a small and cute rainbow tattoo somewhere? It’s sometimes helpful to see these little signs to help you figure out which girls you can flirt with, so if any of these sound like they’d be keeping with who you are and how you want to present, you could try them.
Person #2, I’m a fat person too! And believe me I get that fatphobia and self doubt. I came out as trans when I was 25 and then didn’t kiss my first girl until I was 30. That was largely because I didn’t have much experience and I was afraid people wouldn’t like me because I’m fat. But you know what, in real life, most people are really, really unsure of what they’re doing no matter how much experience they have. They’re scared too. People are weird and feelings are weird and sex is weird. Also, not gonna lie, just a lot of queer women don’t start dating and don’t get experience sleeping with other women until later in life. Homophobia and heteronormativity make it so that lots of people don’t come out until their twenties, so you’re far from the only person in your boat. A friend of mine told me, “things will happen when the time is right. There’s no standard on what that timing should be,” and I’ve found that to be exceedingly true. People come out when they come out, and they get experience when they get experience.
I’ve been where both of you are! I’ve given myself an undercut hoping it would make me look more queer. I’ve worried that I’d have to lose weight to get a girlfriend. But you know what? I’m more femme and more fat and more bi than I’ve ever been and I’m in a super happy relationship. There are people out there for you, I promise. You might not find them right away, but believe me, there are queers of all sizes, histories and types, and there are queers who like all sizes, histories and types.
Drawn to Comics: Is Negasonic Teenage Warhead Really a Lesbian in Deadpool 2?
by rory midhani
A few weeks ago I made a list of which female superheroes from Marvel and DC movies I thought would be the most likely to come out in the next year and a half. My gay psychic energy sent shockwaves through Hollywood and that very same week, the blog Manabyte reported that actress Shiori Kutsuna, who’s character can be seen in the preview, is playing Negasonic Teenage Warhead’s girlfriend in the upcoming Deadpool 2. A lot of people guessed that her character was Psylocke or Surge, but according to this blog, she’s neither and her name is Yoiki. There are a few other details about the character on the blog report, but little is known about her character or what role she plays in the movie. This is all still purely a rumor, but it would make sense, and it would be an amazing move for this movie.
The Marvel and DC superhero movies have been pretty much teasing us with queer women for a few years now. As I mentioned before, several characters who are queer in the comics have appeared in the movies, and with Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie from Thor: Ragnarok, a scene showing her to be bisexual was cut from the final film. This could be the first time one of these movies keeps that part of the character in the movie. As you know, Brianna Hildebrand, the actor who plays Negasonic Teenage Warhead, is queer herself, and she somehow looks even more gay in this second movie than she did in the first one, so everything is set up for the character to be gay.
Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Becky G as Trini in Power Rangers, who was the first queer woman superhero in a major movie. I absolutely love that movie and have written about it before. Having a queer Latina superhero on the big screen is a huge thing that cannot be ignored. There was a gay Latina super hero in a major studio movie. If you haven’t seen it yet, go do it now. Unfortunately, while Power Rangers was successful, it was not successful enough for us to get sequels, so it looks like we’ve seen the last of Trini on the big screen.
I’m not going to lie. I think Deadpool 2 looks kind of amazing. Deadpool is far from my favorite character, but the first movie was mostly funny and had great action, and this movie adds in a ton of poc. Deadpool is fighting against Cable, a deadly mutant from the future, and assembles a team of mutants to help him face this major threat. On that team are returning X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead, as long as a bunch of new faces. The one who looks like she has the most screentime is the luck-based mutant Domino, played by Zazie Beetz. Terry Crews as Bedlam, Lewis Tan as Shatterstar and Shioli Kutsuna as the yet-unnamed character round out the team of poc who join Deadpool in his fight. If Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Kutsuna’s characters really are girlfriends, that could be my favorite superhero team of all-time. Deadpool 2 comes out May 18 and you can be sure that if there are lesbians in it I will confirm it on my twitter in the least-spoilery way I can think of.
New Releases (April 25)
Hack/Slash Resurrection Vol 1 TP
Jessica Jones Vol 3 Return of the Purple Man TP
Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #30
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
Drawn to Comics: Rae the Doe Comes Out and It’s Spectacular
by rory midhani
When I was perusing twitter a few weeks ago, a post where an artist was coming out as trans passed by my feed. I checked out her twitter and found that she did this super cute comic Rae the Doe about a gay, trans doe. These comics are so earnest they punch you right in the heart. Rae is such a pure cinnamon roll and all you want to do is protect her and make sure she’s happy. She’s out there giving all of us trans folks who probably won’t get surgery some visibility by deciding to keep her antlers. She’s sensitive and nervous, super emotional and super, super gay. She’s a perfect gay role model. Oh, and before you ask: the do re mi/Rae the Doe thing is a total coincidence.
Just like her creator, Rae the Doe had a recent coming out. Shortly after she came out in real life, Brinker posted on twitter that there would be a week of special Rae Comes Out comics. These were great. Brinker has talked about how she wants to show that you can have trans jokes that aren’t making fun of or putting trans people down. These comics do a great job of that, never putting Rae down or mocking her gender or coming out, but still making you laugh while making you say “awwww.” It’s really nice to see a coming out story that’s happy and full of love; I want more coming out stories that are like this!
I’m seeing more and more four-panel comics by queer cartoonists. With Up and Out, Close Your Eyes Look At The Mountains, My Two Lesbian Ants, and now this comic, we’ve got a cool trend going on. They also all share a profound sense of sincerity and vulnerability. These aren’t comics that are filled with layers of irony or metaphor; they tell you exactly what they want to say even if they’re embarrassed to because they know it’s worth it. They’re shaking off the pretense of a lot of Millenial humor and sticking to the simple format of memes and internet humor and creating something really wonderful for the future of comics.
Olive Brinker is a terrific cartoonist and seems like a terrific person. If you want to follow her and her work, you can check out her twitter. Her comic, Rae the Doe has a tumblr where you can read all the pages as they update on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. If you’d like to support her, you can do that through her patreon account or you can buy Rae the Doe shirts on teespring. I personally own the “I’m Gay” shirt, but that “I Love You, You Gay Disaster” shirt looks really incredible.
New Releases (April 18)
Harley Quinn & The Gotham City Sirens Omnibus HC
Star Trek Discovery Succession #1
X-Files Case Files Florida Man #1
Phoenix Resurrection Return of Jean Grey TP
Runaways Vol 1 Find Your Way Home TP
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels – this is where we’ll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other people’s lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, we’ve got something for you.
If you have a comic that you’d like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: What Cartoon Turned You Gay?
Hey furries and closeted furries! It’s Friday and I’m back for the open thread! I spent last weekend in Las Vegas at ClexaCon, this gay nerd convention for queer women in movies, and I had a lot of fun! What have y’all been up to? I found out that I actually am completely earnestly in love with Las Vegas at night, which was a very surprising thing to learn about myself. Have you had any big revelations recently? Or heck, any small revelations? How do you feel about Las Vegas?
I went to a panel where Erica Luttrell, the voice actor behind Sapphire on Steven Universe said that as a kid she was obsessed with Cheetara from the Thundercats. She also said that she and her girlfriend coincidentally have a dog named Blue and a cat named Scarlet, which is perfect for one half of Sapphire and Ruby, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, that got me thinking about the cartoon characters I was obsessed with as a kid, and more specifically, which ones I had crushes on. Cartoons are where queerness first comes to light for a lot of kids because it’s often one of the first forms of media we’re allowed to consume. So, basically what I’m saying is that cartoons turned me gay.
When I think back on it, I definitely look to Batgirl from Batman: The Animated Series, Kim Possible, Jun from G-Force and, come on, obviously Lola Bunny from the seminal film Space Jam. Nowadays I’m more of a Judy Hopps kinda girl, but these four original cartoon crushes still hold a huge space in my heart. I didn’t really exactly understand what was going on, but I knew that I wanted to be just like them (although I would never tell anyone) and I also knew I wanted to be best friends with them. Like, the kind of best friends who spend all their time together and say “I love you” all the time and cuddle and hold hands and eventually buy a one bedroom house to share. Just normal friend stuff.
So, I’m here asking you today, what cartoons turned you gay? Or, what cartoon characters were formative in you figuring out your identity? Maybe Disney’s Robin Hood made you realize you were trans masc. Maybe Cats Don’t Dance turned you bisexual and into a furry. I don’t know your story. But I want to know it! So tell me, what cartoons made you into the person you are today?
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“Blockers” Is Shockingly Sex-Positive, Feminist and Gay
The prevailing attitude I saw after the first preview for the new R-Rated comedy Blockers was one of heavy eye-rolling. People on social media immediately started critiquing the film’s main characters and concept for slut shaming, infantalizing their daughters and other misogynistic and anti-sex behavior. This criticism of the main characters was right on, and in a wonderful and surprising turn was very much the real message of the movie. While Blockers hits a lot of the same notes as most other raunchy teen comedies, this one also spends a lot of time breaking down the damaging beliefs and behaviors that are so prevalent in the genre and the beliefs it looked like were going to bog this one down especially.
This post has light spoilers for the movie Blockers
Blockers follows three parents — played by Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz — who find out their daughters (Kathryn Newton, Geraldine Viswanathan and Gideon Aldon) have made a pact to lose their virginity on prom night and come up with a plan to stop the girls from having sex. That sounds terrible, right? It sounds like it’s going to be full of slut-shaming; the types of misogyny that say boys should lose their virginity early while girls should never lose theirs; fathers acting as if they have ownership over their daughters bodies; and loads of other terrible things. For a while, it does have those things. John Cena absolutely wants to “protect his daughter’s purity” and guard her from her “dangerous” date. Leslie Mann does want to stop her daughter from having sex because she says she knows what’s best for her and that she isn’t ready. But those attitudes are immediately challenged as soon as they come up.
Sometimes, the movie gets so far into explaining all the problems with the parent’s plans that it almost becomes a lecture on women’s empowerment and the absurdity of the whole concept of virginity and girl’s ownership of their own bodies. It always avoids that, though, and keeps it’s hilarious edge. Blockers calls out sexist double standards and repeatedly points out how old-fashioned and out of touch the parents are for wanting to stop their daughters from having sex. It focuses on female desire and agency. This movie is the counterargument to all the straight male comedians who say there’s nothing funny about feminism. It’s full of jokes about the patriarchy and regressive sexual attitudes, and that’s a great look for the future of comedy.
Blockers really shines when it focuses on the daughters. All three have different motivations to lose their virginity, and none of them are shamed by the film for wanting sex. They’re their own people with their own sexual desires. These girls are in charge of their sexuality and they’re not being pressured or led around by boys. They’re not characterless sex objects who only exist for boys to fuck. They’re not chaste, nonsexual beings to act as foils for the oversexed boys. They’re some of my favorite teen girl characters in a long time.
Oh, did I forget to mention that one of the three daughters is gay? Yep, there’s a whole story line in this movie about a high school girl coming out; in fact, a third of the movie focuses on her story. Even better, the story is really cute and nerdy and it’s done really well! These lesbians are adorable and they’re supported by the people they talk to about their sexuality; it’s actually one of the happiest gay story lines I’ve seen in a movie. It’s rare that a high school movie gives audiences a chance to root for one of the main girl characters to get another girl, but that’s exactly what this movie does. It’s a good feeling to see that in a movie theater. It’s a great feeling.
I think a lot of the credit for Blockers turning the regressive tropes of the raunchy comedy genre on their head goes to director Kay Cannon, the woman most famous for writing the Pitch Perfect films. She’s succeeded where so many male directors have failed and made the perfect high school sex comedy. Do you see what can happen when women get to make movies? Blockers made $20 million in it’s opening weekend, and I’m guessing a huge audience of women hasn’t seen it. Let’s change that and make this queer and sex-positive comedy the hit it deserves to be.